It is through cowardice
That I wake tomorrow
There is no bravery in my step
I only take sidesteps
I wasn’t ready when I was born
I think that’s why my heart was already torn
Even from the womb I knew
I couldn’t be what you do
Gutless from the day I drew breath
Poetry
Grinding gear
I don’t wanna be at the top of the tower
I don’t wanna live in a tower at all
I just want to find peace in my mind
But that’s just another lie
I’ve been sold, to believe
That I could one day achieve
Peace on earth inside my mind
But there is nothing peaceful
About human kind
Or any other animal
Cause the world is sick and cruel
You won’t catch me saying it’s beautiful
I don’t really want a place in this mechanism
I don’t want to be a grinding gear in this
I don’t want to be mechanical or animal
I don’t want to be in this chain of command
I don’t wanna choose life, choose a fucking widescreen TV
Or a fucking wife with a picket fence
To fence us in suburbia
I don’t wanna give an inch
Fuck it
I don’t even wanna be the grinding gear
With pen to paper, I don’t wanna be here
Hate me, so
Feelings are so…
Contradictory
That’s what haunts me so
It’s almost obligatory
To feel anger along with sympathy
Going round in circles in my mind
Till I can’t decide who is wrong or right
And it pains me to the ends of this earth
It sounds dramatic
But I feel it in my chest
It fucking HURTS!
And with me
It’s day in and day out
Just constant torment
And then I just want to scream and shout
Try to pacify my mind
Play guitar, watch a film
Tell myself just to focus on my life
But then I can’t let go
And I hate me, so
Day three I vow to make self-improvements
By day five, I slipped back or I never even made any movements
I can never remember
I just know I still hate me, so
Day six, I say, “Try again.”
And off I go, along this crazy train
Pacing along the tracks
Thinking “Did I move forwards, or did I go back?”
I can never remember.
I just know I still fucking hate me, so.
Get away!
I don’t have room for sympathy
For you
Or empathy
It’s been torture
All these times going round my head
Through cycles of anger and apologetic sorrow
I can’t do it anymore
Not today, not tomorrow
I cared too much
And you walk over me like I’m dirt on your shoe
I’m supposed to feel for you
“He’s ill” they say
Well, I can’t care anymore!
Get the fuck away!
GET THE FUCK AWAY
I don’t want any of this
Told myself I was okay
But now it’s too late in the day
To espouse such nonsense
When I know in my heart of hearts
I don’t want any of these things
Nothing. Not even the guitars
Or the TV.
I don’t want the music playing
In my ears
I just have it on for noise.
I don’t want any of this
Dragonfish
Inspired by a story I’ve been working on for a couple of years now, comes the following poetry:
The world is a sheet of hazy blue
but that still won’t keep me from you
oceans wide, oceans apart
where did we depart?
Why, Jessica, are the jitter bugs in you
when you’re having the time of your life
watching me trying to ignite
do you see I’m just a dragonfish
blind, but trying to become light?
Hell
I can’t find my place
even among misfits
want out of this race
got no path I can see to trace
and I don’t think I can
be the man
I thought I wanted to be anyway
courage is not known by me
he’s simply a stranger I know I could never be
I don’t want to live inside myself
I’m my own misfortune, my own hell
sometimes I dare to think I could even dream
but then I fall back down to earth
and I see
I am not the man I sought to be
And I wish taking a life would be easier
because one more day inside this skin
is just endless torture.
20/12/16
I can’t let you bring me
back down
you don’t even try
just your words
your existence
makes me frown
it’s not that I’m angry
I’m not
I’m just full of fuck
and I’m trying to
get rid of the push and pull
factor
you are my resistance
to recovery
you are the insistence
I lack courage
You are the eyes
That say, “he can’t do this.”
You reflect
My own thoughts of me
Working on a book
Hello people in my harem,
I’m working on a book with my poetry and a few other bits here and there.
Currently in the process of trying to figure out organising this thing.
This is also why I haven’t recently posted any new poetry, as i am keen on keeping some poems exclusive to the book.
I already have a working title, I will not be revealing that till I get further in the process.
In the mean time I may post older poetry, new poetry written exactly for the purposes of having something to post here.
But it would do me a favour if you wish to reblog any of my posts, share, like or follow. Every like or follow helps construct the illusion I need to uphold, that being that my words are getting me somewhere 😉
Working on a book
hello, to all the people in my harem and others.
I’m working my way through collections of my poetry and other bits of writing to put in a book.
This is why I’ve not been posting new poetry lately, as I wish to keep some exclusive for the book so some poems can remain unread and new to anyone who reads my blog.
For now though it would do me a massive favour if you wish to reblog, share and like any poetry or other pieces of mine.
