Falling

The words come
easy go
because I feel hard done
Oh woe is me woe is woe
Got a blue heart
Thrashing against my bones
Feeling thoughts, I don’t even know
The way the words are supposed to go
Building walls
Without foundations
Climbing ladders
With falling rungs
Maybe if I just smoke
All these things into my lungs
Till I’m bluer than grey
With my name etched in stone
More permanent than my existence
Are the words on my tongue.

Hate me, so

Feelings are so…
Contradictory
That’s what haunts me so
It’s almost obligatory
To feel anger along with sympathy
Going round in circles in my mind
Till I can’t decide who is wrong or right
And it pains me to the ends of this earth
It sounds dramatic
But I feel it in my chest
It fucking HURTS!

And with me
It’s day in and day out
Just constant torment
And then I just want to scream and shout
Try to pacify my mind
Play guitar, watch a film
Tell myself just to focus on my life
But then I can’t let go
And I hate me, so

Day three I vow to make self-improvements
By day five, I slipped back or I never even made any movements
I can never remember
I just know I still hate me, so
Day six, I say, “Try again.”
And off I go, along this crazy train
Pacing along the tracks
Thinking “Did I move forwards, or did I go back?”
I can never remember.
I just know I still fucking hate me, so.