Meditation diaries: Where I break apart

My writing isn’t the same as it used to be.

I’m just not good at it anymore.

I tried honing on on my wildlife photography skills but that isn’t working out either because it’s an impractical hobby to have when you can only walk short distances and need a wheelchair.

I have nothing left in me to give. And I never gave that much in the first place.

I want to throw everything around me and smash everything to pieces.

You don’t know me

Don’t point those words at me
Looking at the barrel of the gun
You hold against me
I see the chamber is empty
You think it’s full, it’s in your eyes
That ignorance
Your eyes ablaze with belligerence
Thinking you know me
When you don’t know the difference
Between the group you lumped me in
And the person I’ve always been
You only see the illusion you want to see
I’m as visible as any other kind
But you’ve put me in the shadows
Because then it’s easier on your mind

Get away!

I don’t have room for sympathy
For you
Or empathy
It’s been torture
All these times going round my head
Through cycles of anger and apologetic sorrow
I can’t do it anymore
Not today, not tomorrow
I cared too much
And you walk over me like I’m dirt on your shoe
I’m supposed to feel for you
“He’s ill” they say
Well, I can’t care anymore!
Get the fuck away!