My ire

Trying not to be angry
But fuck I’m full of heated fury
Got a book about how to deal with ‘difficult people’
Got an app that guides me through meditation
A shit load (and that’s a scientific measurement) of guilt after the irritation turns to insults
But I’m like a dog with a bone
As this ire surges through my blood
Adrenalin, heart racing
The devil in my head wants to get up to no good
In revenge, you’ll find glory
It says
But I know it’s a lie
But I’ve got this monster in a cage
and I don’t think I can keep it forever contained
It’s spinning and whirling in frenzied, energetic bursts
Colliding with the bars and making my stomach lurch.
Take a breath and count
Down to madness
Take a breath and count
the hours
One more little niggling doubt
One more little niggling hit
One more little stab in the back
And i’m gonna burn, i’m gonna blow
Till i’m back in the abyss
And it swallows me whole.
I know this storm is my own
But it seems to me It’s always a one way street
And I’m back to thinking the same things the books tell me are wrong
Because I can’t put my finger on it
Can’t find the words
But it sounds like bullshit
Since your fucking advice only works
If EVERYONE ELSE reads your fucking words
And took them to heart
And made a new start
Otherwise, somehow my anger is never justified
And that makes me better, because? Because why?
“You shouldn’t think your anger is justified it continues the cycle,” I nod in agreement
Till I realise these words are holding me to a standard
Impossible for humans
And you’ll tell me everything I’m saying here is the problem
And we’ll go full circle because I’m “Wrapped in myself.”
I’m tired of seeing it from their point of view
It’s all I ever seem to fucking do

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As yet untitled

And shall I act the gentleman when intoxicated by anger?
Simply twirl my moustache and walk away?
For what fairness is this, If I am the victim
Of an abusive charade?
What if another, an outsider lets say
Walks in and witnesses my anger on a particularly bad day
Would they not side with him, my nemesis?
For they would not have the eye that beholds
The images of all our yesterdays
And his bitterness and abusive ways

How does one act with stoicism
When anger curdles the blood within one’s veins
When there is injustice being etched
Upon the lines of my face
Perhaps one day becoming my age
And for moments in glimmers of time
I see to it that he remains only human in my mind
But then a sadness my own and his, I should well imagine
Leaks from my eyes
And empathy kicks in
Only to find it makes me angrier
The next time he crosses the line

For I burdened myself with sadness for him
When I have my own dark abyss
Fearing I haven’t experienced the scars
That are his
And thus undeserving of this sadness
For surely I haven’t been through enough
For such madness
And that makes me a terrible man
To think I’ve suffered enough to be sad!
Yet here it is, it beckons in my heart
An emptiness that is full
That could tear even oceans apart
A depression so deep
I never really know where to start.

Noise pollution

There is no target
Marching aimless
We sold our souls for individuality
Only to become faceless
And everyone is drawing their guns
Angling for all that is wrong
thinking they’re right
While they flap their gums
Talking utter shite
About things they know none

And the world carries on
Indifferent to this war
Waged with words instead of swords
You might think that’s an improvement
But the wounds aren’t healing this time around
And a hangman’s noose is what brings these soldiers six feet underground
And these words right here are a symptom
Are you the underdog or the villain?
And if you don’t see what’s wrong with that question
You don’t understand what I’m saying
But this poem is part of the equation
So I’m just as guilty as you
I guess we’re all human
I guess I don’t have a solution
I’m just biding my time
A part of this noise pollution