If only I was a balloon you could let go and I could fall up till snared by the branch of a tree there I could hang free.
My despair has me embroiled in so much deceit staying alive only for people to reach
This isn’t a life worth living resentment is the moon propelling the tides in my head only sticking around so others don’t have to think me dead trying to die within so I can be an animated memory for those who claim me.
Let words fall from my lips as empty as they may be dead inside, but they won’t have to see
What can I say I’m trying to stay but how I hope something takes me away
My mind terraforms this alien soundscape Tendrils reaching down, down, down a spark of something unseen an inverted skeleton without a smile but a frown propelling myself as a jellyfish up, up and out Electric sirens seeking me out A torment of screeching ghouls screaming from my mouth
I’ll smoke another cigarette to put another nail in my coffin I keep thinking I might be getting close to rest but still, I keep on going torn between fear and loathing Why do I keep trying to do my best Can’t I just stay in tracksuit bottoms and vest loafing around with no will to do anything but in jest
Why is everything always about progress what if I just want to stay here where I regress?
They say it’s okay not to be okay but I still think I feel ashamed Is it okay to not be okay and stay the same?
The needles write love on my knuckles while the blades write hate I will not be stilled till earth and water whittle me down I could only wish it would be quicker somehow these waters are troubled I’m crumbling as rubble becoming the froth on the water’s edge a slow release and decay I wish to be dust not tomorrow but today I am not a sabal palm or anything other rugged I cannot withstand eras this earth is not my home but a cage
There is violence inside of me drawing words on my tongue they go down my throat like blades I could cut the world into pieces with my sharpened neurosis how long can I keep it within my face contorting trying to be what the world wants to see while the butcher inside my head dices and slices death a thousand times and more born from love, carved into hate.
Is there anywhere I can be someone else I’m tired of being wrapped up in myself but I’ve seen out there and seen the earth laid bare it’s too much for me all I see is death looking back at me mirroring my decisions and indecisions falling into the abyss of those eye sockets