Sunday Wordle: Break apart

Do you still decry my heart
after all these years
since you watched me fall?
And in your tunnel vision
do you sense
I’m still married to the squall?
do you scry the skies
and see
A little boy who didn’t want to mend
fallen into manhood
trying to break apart
peacefully piece by piece?

In the hopes that in my nothingness
peace could be contained
in all the scattered shards of me

Lyrics: Can’t breathe


Sometimes when I can’t quite figure out how to write an idea I get my guitar and play it (badly) and often the strumming brings words out and I will sing (extremely badly) any thoughts that come out of my head.

No I can’t really write music, I just strum a long and see what flows. My guitar playing is…. bad. So I don’t have music to this, and no, I really, really, can’t sing! So it will have to remain written only.

This anxiety has filled my lungs with the sea
I can’t breathe
And I’m supposed to make a recovery
but when I leap up to the surface
I can’t breathe
A fish out of water
in society

And all the people
talk about the likes of me
‘what and who should they be?
I love freedom
look at me
but lock him up
he’s a freak.’


And this anxiety
has filled my lungs with the sea
I can’t breathe
I leap to the surface
a fish out of water in society
and I can’t breathe.

We should open up the circus
he can be an orca in a tank
bang your hands and feet against the glass
provoke him and you’ll see
he will seethe
and that will confirm our beliefs

And this anxiety has filled my lungs with the sea
And I can’t breathe
And I’ve got to make a recovery
in this fucked up society
and I can’t breathe

Too human

You’ve got to be super sane
to fight for the rights of your people
Because if you don’t act like a ducks back
if you let them see the slightest crack
they will shake their fists
‘see this is why we can’t talk to the likes of you,
you’re too emotional
mentally ill.’

So I guess we’re supposed to be robots
but then haven’t you heard of the uncanny valley?
we’d still be too human for you!

And that is the crux of the issue



Fools rags

Our sanity is all the fucking fashion
gotta be the good one so they’ll listen
Don’t quite shift the status quo
and they might just leave you alone.

Our sanity is all the fashion
Must put on my best mask
mustn’t break, must learn to be a ducks back
Must be Sisyphus rolling that boulder there and back
forever and ever
musn’t fucking break.

Gotta be always fucking sane
be a good one to wipe the extremes away
because they only believe the headlines
that’s what they bring up in the head lights
when you shine them on their eyes

you try to argue your case
they twist your words
and squirm away
‘look at the headlines!’ they say

Because man bites dog is common in their eyes
they’ve seen it in black and white
they know more than you or I
it was in the fools rags
man bites dog, it happens everyday.



A freak: Warning lots of F words.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.


I’m a freak
A fucking freak
if only I could own it
I’m a freak
A fucking freak
A fucking pretender
an agitator
A fucking freak
trying to be normal
A fucking freak
Is that a bad thing?
I don’t know
I’m a fucking freak
But they call me a fucking sheep
I’m an alligator
A fucking agitator
A pretender
A fucking freak

I’m an accumulation of freakish things
A caricature of society
A reflection of mans insanity.

Unsolicited opinions on medication.

Why is that when you’re on anti-depressants and you’re talking to someone about it, it’s so common for people to say,
‘I’m not a fan, but if you need them then take them.’

Why do they feel it necessary and important to let you know they’re not a fan? Would they do that for any other medication?

‘Oh you’re on a heart meds? I’m not a fan, but if you need to take them, take them.’

Imagine if someone said that?

Wouldn’t that be a stupid thing to say? ‘I’m not a fan’ not a fan? Of what? heart meds? that keep someone alive?


Yet no one blinks an eye when people say this about anti-depressants, in fact it seems to me it’s encouraged.

Darkness NaPoWriMo poem 17

These feelings can’t be contained
in a sustained note
Or a melody you wrote
The music doesn’t filter them
like they were meant to
Like you say, maybe I hold on too tight
to this darkness inside.

People say that darkness is good
Because you can see light
but I guess I must be blind.
I’m always trying to empty
this hollow space of expanded nothing
But it’s like it goes too deep
and has become the roots within

I’m constantly deflated
while this depression bloats