You are the catalyst
Weaving notions on my skin
I get lost in my emotional paralysis
Till the sentiments sink in
Then comes the anguish
With logic on my shoulder
Playing devils advocate
But I can’t listen to him
Because to my heart
time doesn’t exist
And there just isn’t enough time
to resist.
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They question your sanity
But never question mine
Because they always think I’ll be alright
And I think one day they may be proven wrong
But for now they think I only *think* i’m not strong
I say I can’t cope
They say I can, they say I’m coping right now
Even if I don’t think I am
Well they don’t see into my mind
They don’t know the pressure behind my eyes
The way it makes me strain
The way I can’t take the pain
The way I’ve got ideas and thoughts in my head
Driving me insane
They don’t see the hands going through my hair
My head bowed down as I try to pull through my despair
They don’t hear my screams
As I hold it inside
Till one day it all burts from my lips
And the world hears
But then I go silent again
And the world moves on
without a clue
While these little thoughts
Like spiders create these webs in my mind
And I could try to explain
But there are no words I could say
Because when I try it’s never enough
And that’s why there is only one solution that comes to mind
The ultimate expression
Of this pain inside…..
I wanted to be a pillar
Against all that can break
Steady against the waves
Without taking on the pain
Taking everything in my stride
Letting no harm pass
Into the crevices of my mind
I wanted to be the man
With that fierce mentality
Who knew all about brutality
While being one of the friendliest guys
You wouldn’t wanna get on the wrong side of him
But he’d sooner help you than get in a fight
I wanted to be that man
But I’m nothing
Without you by my side.
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Arms open wide
Feeling the air of resistance
Hearing the worlds whispers, I listen
Trying to understand existence
But she won’t tell me her secrets
The world and I no longer in allegiance
Feeling far away
Trying to rise again
Like a phoenix from the flames
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The worlds madness
The breeze doesn’t seem
To touch you
In these moments
As if even the world is keeping
Itself distant
A little late today.
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Surrendering to this moment
In the haze of these platitudes
The sun brings out your optimism
But I’m not aboard your ship
I sink in all weathers
Storm or sun
Tidal wave or none
Chiseling away at my skin
While I curl as a boulder
And remain within till it’s over
Treading through my own disturbance
Your truism’s matter none
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I do better when it’s raining. When there is no contrast between what’s inside and whats outside. When the sun doesn’t cast such obvious shadow through the veils against the window. When the silence is filled with that white noise of rain pattering on the window like a friend knocking to check you’re still breathing. But today the sun is bright, and there is a ‘peaceful’ stillness to the day. A peace I can’t reconcile.
The sun reminds me I’m empty.
I turn my back to it and hate it for the heat upon my back. Nauseating.
It was better when the world was shadowed in winters black.
