My sockets are broke
Replaced my eyes with marbles
Got static on my tongue
Empty of thought
But not without feeling
Nothing to say
Nothing to declare
Silent sorrow on my mind
No hiding from this despair
Forget I’m dead
And they talk on as if
I dared to care
And my reflection
Says I’m still here
An old one for today’s post
Me mind is racin’ two times a dozen
Thats what the doctors’ll say
Nah they wear flashy suits
Tie an all
What business they got wearing them?
They aint bloomin business men!
Lock me up and throw away the key!
Thats what they’d go and bloomin’ do!
Me? on a psych ward? Kiddin’ me aren’t ya?
t’ fookin sane for this lot
Got a few screws missin’
But they’ve only fallen behin’ bloody bed
I tell ya, my room is a right bloomin’ mess!
Eee! If me mother were to see it
She’d ‘ave a fit
Always got somethin’ to complain about
Oh my, she don’t beat around the bush
No, comes right out with it!
“Ya flats a tip! Looks like a bomb site” She’ll say
Well i don’t mind
As long as i can find me screws
Before the bloody doctors
Notice i got ’em loose
The sun penetrates through the blinds
Dust floats in the split streams of light
But it doesn’t infiltrate the mind
And that’s the insanity or is it sanity
That is mine
There are no cracks to seep through
I’m not cracking up
I’m sealed up, only breakable inside
There is a political theory called, ‘the horseshoe theory’ and I think a similar argument can apply to mental health.
See what I believe is, a little delusion goes a long way to a functioning adult. Delusion is automatically regarded as some negative thing only mentally ill people have, but I swear by this, a little delusion is like the heart of functioning in this world.
Some people become so deluded that they no longer function, their heart has enlarged if you will.
But there is another type of person, the kind of person who can’t function because they harbour no delusions or don’t believe enough in any potential delusions they could have. It’s an affliction I call severe sanity. Of course, me thinking I’m too severely sane for this world could be seen as a symptom of insanity…. But of course, severe insanity can look much like insanity. Indeed the two merge to look like one in the same when you break it down and see that both the insane and the severely sane can both become dysfunctional in similar ways. Hence my mention of the horseshoe theory above.
I am the pendulum that swings
To knock down these walls
I tried to be so strong
But I’ve not got the wings
To fly away from this storm
And I wish I could say
That I think I’ll be okay
But I don’t believe, I never did anyway
I keep it all inside
Think I’ll lose something
If I show you this
And I know even now
This is just a fucking glimpse
And I won’t let you further in
You still won’t know what I’m dealing with
I watch these men and women
Walking around with hearts on their sleeves
People think I’m one of them
Cause I write these words
But it’s all appearances
You have no clue what’s on inside
I’m insane, does that make me less insane
Than those that don’t keep it contained?
Cause I lock mine in a cage
Only let it run behind closed doors
Seal it up in wardrobes and drawers
I’m medicated, keep it medicated
But there is a limit
And the monsters still wage these wars
Am I less insane than those
That don’t keep it contained?
Does that mean that I’m in less pain?
I was always told, in the case of an accident
It’s the silent victims first
Because they’re in critical condition
Well what does that make me
When it’s all silent
While they scream
Bubbling to the brink
Cracking to the sound
Of my lips creak
With a familiar longing
for something more substantial
I am my own downfall
Surrendering to my own shock
Shattering my reflection
With my internal scream
Becoming more unhinged
Eyes swivel and spin
With contemplative tongues
Clicking inside mouths
That have forgotten to sing
Waiting for some luciferous woman
To hang onto as we swing