To be a grey rock
as time blends stories
into the room
the downward slide of matter
wear and tear
A ravens beak
to strip it bare
mental health
Day 21: Prism
My breath was a triangle
shaping me into a prism
a contortionist
contorting to comfort
within discomfort
the pain a backrest
in which to rest my head
a backdrop of tidal waves
to slowly tread
Day 20: Hung on
I hooked my umbrella to the words
and hung on
a heron waiting to unfurl
clinging to this song
waiting for the moment
to be okay with the world
rain and wind
blasting storms
life is a river, never static
to every word
I hung on
Sunday wordle: I will not linger (Or perhaps I will I can’t seem to help myself.)
I will not linger in the storms you pass
That’s a lie, I know I will
all the signs are there
or rather torn apart
that you’ve been through
and I’m sick of you
and myself
because you leave carnage in your wake
some subtle some not so
and I always chase after these feelings
and afterthoughts
anger tinged with sadness
but I prefer the anger
till I do something rash
then I regret how I left myself
drifting in your storm
you cast a spell on my mind
treading through your footprints
knowing you’re always one step ahead
always watching
I can’t afford sympathy for you anymore
Probably neither the anger
but in your storms, I drift
and in my mind you fritter away my thoughts
day 15: Problems I couldn’t mend
I wanted to be pink sky
telling of future calm
instead, I was grey
with heavy cumulonimbus clouds
seeking to vent
unable to ease your burdened heart
because these were problems I couldn’t mend
day 14: sorrow
Even simple cumulus clouds
can seem like they’re pregnant with storms
as they mark time in the sky
when you feel alien and heavy
with sorrow, you’re trying to hide
when there is an ocean weighing down your stomach
and tidal waves rising up to your throat
it doesn’t matter that the sun is shining up there, up high
all that matters is the tide
of the emptiness inside
Day 13 Life is one big hollow scream
Life is one big hollow scream
of nothingness
consuming itself
over and over again
Advent calendar 8: Made in your image
You always were able to draw the monster in me
a perfect portrait of him
lines drawn
crossing me out
so I’d become your creation
Made in your image
The machine
I can’t bend into the shapes
the machine wants me to be
and I’m always coming back to this place
a conclusion
I am not strong enough
for the world, I am in
All the equations add up to this
ever trapped in what and who I am
and between what the world wants to see
the things reflected back to me
the reflections of all the types of men
I ought to be
Meditation teaches us to breathe and be
but breathing is the least of your worries
when you’re feeling like me
and I can only really breathe
when I’m safe from change and stress
so really I learn nothing
and all of this is just a waste of breath
I often wonder what relief it would have been
to have been left to die when I was a baby
instead of still learning how to fucking breathe.
I see the world ahead of me
and I don’t want to be a part of it
but the machine wants me
Sunday Wordle: Break apart
Do you still decry my heart
after all these years
since you watched me fall?
And in your tunnel vision
do you sense
I’m still married to the squall?
do you scry the skies
and see
A little boy who didn’t want to mend
fallen into manhood
trying to break apart
peacefully piece by piece?
In the hopes that in my nothingness
peace could be contained
in all the scattered shards of me
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