You are a deleterious soul
pushing the buttons of all who dare tread
within pushing distance
of your daily insistence
that you must erase their existence
or else suffer the consequence
of your wrath
dare they breathe upon the same air
dare they leave or come back
on the whims of their own time
I will not linger in the storms you pass
That’s a lie, I know I will
all the signs are there
or rather torn apart
that you’ve been through
and I’m sick of you
and myself
because you leave carnage in your wake
some subtle some not so
and I always chase after these feelings
and afterthoughts
anger tinged with sadness
but I prefer the anger
till I do something rash
then I regret how I left myself
drifting in your storm
you cast a spell on my mind
treading through your footprints
knowing you’re always one step ahead
always watching
I can’t afford sympathy for you anymore
Probably neither the anger
but in your storms, I drift
and in my mind you fritter away my thoughts
You always were able to draw the monster in me
a perfect portrait of him
lines drawn
crossing me out
so I’d become your creation
Made in your image
I tell myself
You’re just a tornado
Passing through
Nothing to be angry at
You’re just doing what storms do
Just step outside when you’re through
The wreckage is only natural
Like water damage from a flood
It’s part of the cycle
Sometimes you’re just a little whirlwind
Other days you’re a cyclone
You don’t care you’re in the zone
You think you’ve got my cover blown
Think you’ve got me dethroned
Uncloaked
But I was never hiding
Nor do I have any power to abdicate
But you keep pointing your finger
Never looking in the mirror
I tell myself
You’re just a tornado
passing through
You’re just doing what storms do….
And shall I act the gentleman when intoxicated by anger?
Simply twirl my moustache and walk away?
For what fairness is this, If I am the victim
Of an abusive charade?
What if another, an outsider lets say
Walks in and witnesses my anger on a particularly bad day
Would they not side with him, my nemesis?
For they would not have the eye that beholds
The images of all our yesterdays
And his bitterness and abusive ways
How does one act with stoicism
When anger curdles the blood within one’s veins
When there is injustice being etched
Upon the lines of my face
Perhaps one day becoming my age
And for moments in glimmers of time
I see to it that he remains only human in my mind
But then a sadness my own and his, I should well imagine
Leaks from my eyes
And empathy kicks in
Only to find it makes me angrier
The next time he crosses the line
For I burdened myself with sadness for him
When I have my own dark abyss
Fearing I haven’t experienced the scars
That are his
And thus undeserving of this sadness
For surely I haven’t been through enough
For such madness
And that makes me a terrible man
To think I’ve suffered enough to be sad!
Yet here it is, it beckons in my heart
An emptiness that is full
That could tear even oceans apart
A depression so deep
I never really know where to start.
silverbackgorillapoetry.com 