Still… I sit
Against the wind
And I wish I could
Sit against it all
Water off a ducks back
Withstand every fall
Without falling to the black
But the whispers of the dark
Always beckon me back
And I know her well
So I’m always one word away
From being under her spell
I’ve tried meditation
All the fucking medication
Tried to find my philosophy
But I always come back
To the lady in the black
A blade on the skin
Feels better than the happiness
That never seems to sink in
Or the confidence
That never existed from within
Shedding skin
Till I’m nothing
It’s the only thing
That I find comforting
When the lady in black
Finds me running back
mental illness
A great pain
Folded into crazy homes
Frozen behind windows
Staring out, eerie eyes
Hazy behind rasping gusts of breath
Before curtains close
To hide this poverty
Of mind
Thursday poetry a day late: Screw
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will haunt me still
Ricocheting around my skull
Till thought is null
With only oughts to do
But no drive to pull them through
Living inside a skull
Inside a mind, inside a brain
Royally fucking screwed
I just sat
I sat outside till the midges started to bite. I just sat.
Do you know what it feels like to feel like your drowning on air?
I rely on others to care about me, in a world that doesn’t care.
So I sat. And I tried not to think I’m an idiot. But I did, I slapped my forehead and said “you’re a fucking idiot” and I think the cat across the road might agree. I considered just staying there, sleeping on the bench.
I walked out the other night to distract myself from the S word. I’m restless. It was about 11:00 pm. I prefer being outside at night, i oddly feel safer. A guy walked down the road just before you turn to the block of flats, and I don’t know what was up with him but….it explained why it was a windless night. Because he seemed to have to all the wind coming out of his arse. He was farting really loudly as he walked along, hell they sounded like he possibly followed through. I don’t think he noticed someone was actually outside at that time to witness it….
It hurts when you realise you’re alone in this world.
Razor blades and finger nails
Razor blades and finger nails
walk the contours
of your body
Seeking Rivers of blood
hoping to be a crack
in your dissatisfaction
Heavy exhalation
isn’t enough.
(c) 2016 March
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