The man I want to be vs the man I am

Wrestling with these thoughts
Pacing up and down these four walls
Trying to contort myself
Into feelings I don’t have
Hoping to Box myself into the calm
Contorting myself into someone
I could never be
Wishing I could just
Pull myself up by the bootstraps
Twiddle and twirl my moustache
And be the man I keep thinking I ought t be
An epitome of man and calm
But with assertiveness as my next charm
Perhaps if I part my receding hair to one side
And wear a pair of matching socks
Suit and maybe a tie
To strangle the feelings in a noose
I’ll become the man I envisioned
Instead of the patchwork of a man
Barley complete and far from calm.

Who you tryin’ to kid.

Who you tryin’ to kid anyway
You’re just a man, on the fray
Falling at the seams
Collecting the shards of all your broken dreams
Sharp enough to cut your wrists

You’ve got desperation in your eyes
It’s in your reflection
Who you despise
You want to be someone else
Who you are, makes you unwell

You’re dying but you figure
Everyone else is dying too
So what does it matter
If you linger
Isn’t that what everyone else is doing anyway?

Pillar

I wanted to be a pillar
Against all that can break
Steady against the waves
Without taking on the pain
Taking everything in my stride
Letting no harm pass
Into the crevices of my mind

I wanted to be the man
With that fierce mentality
Who knew all about brutality
While being one of the friendliest guys
You wouldn’t wanna get on the wrong side of him
But he’d sooner help you than get in a fight

I wanted to be that man
But I’m nothing
Without you by my side.

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Can a man dare to dream

Sit and listen to
The sound of the pitter patter
That abounds
Like constant white noise
Asserting no significant attention
Just the buzz of human relations
Like the wings of a bee
Humming the language of nations
Industrious working of this socialisation
Working its way through the psyche
Of many generations
While clowns look to the clouds
With wisdom in their jest
And hearts of lions pounding in their chest
Perhaps detained
But noticing every freedom
Has it’s own cage
And seeing that maybe
As caged birds flaps their wings
Can a man surely dare to dream?

Oddity 2

I’m going to wear slippers
While dressed in a smart suit
As I go along with my endless pursuits
Never could find a place
To put down my roots
Living out of bags
Always an urge just to up and vamoose

Forget brushing my hair
Fuck that bloody hair mousse
Forget looking spick and span
I’m no Bruce Wayne, no flipping batman
No six pack to be had
Unless you add the beer cans

‘Eh do ya think that one day
There will be a St Matthews Holiday
In memory of little old me?
No, no. I’m getting ahead of myself
Like I say, I’m not some bloody superman
I’m just a super, super modest man

Happiness don’t look good on me

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Happiness don’t look good on me
Dressed in rags not fit to please
No tilted hats and shiny shoes
with a smile on my face, it looks misused
Got a look that people will see fit to refuse
And if a fight should find me
Sparks will erupt in violence you can’t defuse
And I’ll be locked up in Alcatraz by the bloody screws
And I’ll be playing the joker to amuse
So as not to have my arse black and blue

©Silverbackgorillapoetry 2016 June