I wanted to be a pillar
Against all that can break
Steady against the waves
Without taking on the pain
Taking everything in my stride
Letting no harm pass
Into the crevices of my mind

I wanted to be the man
With that fierce mentality
Who knew all about brutality
While being one of the friendliest guys
You wouldn’t wanna get on the wrong side of him
But he’d sooner help you than get in a fight

I wanted to be that man
But I’m nothing
Without you by my side.

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I want to be like my granddad

not this on edge battle

constantly within

I want to be one of those men

who is calm and collected

even through adversity

but my brain works out of sync

with my wishes

and instead I’m constantly

wound to the highest of settings

looking over my shoulder

always expecting the worse

and making myself grieve

before any news has even been heard

I put myself through the ringer

always churning out anxious messes

I think I might just have enough of this

fucked up shit in my mind

that had I been born in a different time

i’d have been institutionalised

and sometimes I think maybe

it’d be easier

in a straitjacket

to save myself from this responsibility

of being a fully fledged human

i’ve got these contradicting sides

of me, arguing.

one side says I want to be a self sufficient man

but that despite that want, I don’t think that I can

and another side of me wants to run away

or maybe just induce myself into a coma

and never wake


I stand against the current

wavesI stand against the current
Chiselled by the waves
Of storms gone by
Robust in my ability to pacify
The sky opening up
And I keep a weather eye
On all things corrupt
Lest they just pass me by
And zephyr says
She’s making a man out of me
Etching lines on my face like clay
“You’ll be the epitome of a man one day
All this in between? It’s just the price you pay”

© 2016 June