Why, I want to live on a secluded island
Away from everyone
So that I can feel lonely on my own
And scream “No one cares about my despair”
And not feel like an attention seeker
Because no one would be there to hear
And it’d take the burden away
Leaving me with these tyrants in my brain
Burning away at the scaffolding
Holding up my attempts at building
And I can be left within this ash and ruin
And maybe these tyrants would begin to tame
Without anymore buildings
To put up in flames
anger
Temptation & Anger
In trying to resist temptation the more tempted I become
The same is true of anger. The more I resist my anger, the angrier I become.
I’m still to find the balance with letting them off the leash for a little run without having them run too far or too little!
Battle in my head
You are the catalyst
Weaving notions on my skin
I get lost in my emotional paralysis
Till the sentiments sink in
Then comes the anguish
With logic on my shoulder
Playing devils advocate
But I can’t listen to him
Because to my heart
time doesn’t exist
And there just isn’t enough time
to resist.
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The immortal fight
A ribbon of smoke billowed an apology between them
Hostility temporarily suspended
As they eyed one another from behind their cherry lit ends
the deer head peered upon the silence
that smeared the air between them
The saxophone mere white noise
unable to penetrate the moment
Only turning their heads from one another
to watch her feet burdened in high heels
as she walked towards the one she chose
which wasn’t either of them
Their nostrils flared
and behind gritted teeth they faked pleasantries
Before taking it outside in the street
Noses cracked and busted lips
Hatred snaking through cigarette mist
Till the bobby comes on the beat
To resume assumed peace
Rage
Suspended
On the brink of surrender
To the anger that blinks
Using breath as your anchor
Trying to step back, unthink
Watching your words
Like butterlies caged in your mouth
Waiting, biding your time
Keeping the bulls in their cages
Till the red flag can fly
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Loser
You’re a loser
Reflecting back to me
My insecuririties
And I hate you
As much as I hate me
And that’s why
I won’t look you in the eyes (I rarely look anyone in the eyes though)
Because I on’t wanna see
Myself trapped in a cell
Inside your irsises
You’re a loser just like me
You’re a loser and I hate you
As much as I hate me
And that’s why I’m shaking
Because I want to die
Like I want to kill you
But I couldn’t hurt a fly
And thats my dilemma
I’m scared of my own mind
You’re a loser
Ugly inside
Like me
Provoke
Don’t provoke me
I’ve got a monster
Caged behind this calm
My ire
Trying not to be angry
But fuck I’m full of heated fury
Got a book about how to deal with ‘difficult people’
Got an app that guides me through meditation
A shit load (and that’s a scientific measurement) of guilt after the irritation turns to insults
But I’m like a dog with a bone
As this ire surges through my blood
Adrenalin, heart racing
The devil in my head wants to get up to no good
In revenge, you’ll find glory
It says
But I know it’s a lie
But I’ve got this monster in a cage
and I don’t think I can keep it forever contained
It’s spinning and whirling in frenzied, energetic bursts
Colliding with the bars and making my stomach lurch.
Take a breath and count
Down to madness
Take a breath and count
the hours
One more little niggling doubt
One more little niggling hit
One more little stab in the back
And i’m gonna burn, i’m gonna blow
Till i’m back in the abyss
And it swallows me whole.
I know this storm is my own
But it seems to me It’s always a one way street
And I’m back to thinking the same things the books tell me are wrong
Because I can’t put my finger on it
Can’t find the words
But it sounds like bullshit
Since your fucking advice only works
If EVERYONE ELSE reads your fucking words
And took them to heart
And made a new start
Otherwise, somehow my anger is never justified
And that makes me better, because? Because why?
“You shouldn’t think your anger is justified it continues the cycle,” I nod in agreement
Till I realise these words are holding me to a standard
Impossible for humans
And you’ll tell me everything I’m saying here is the problem
And we’ll go full circle because I’m “Wrapped in myself.”
I’m tired of seeing it from their point of view
It’s all I ever seem to fucking do
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Snake
Haul my ass out of bed
Sharp mind
Forget last night
branded with its scars
a snarling monster in its cage
within the hearth of my heart
Snaking through the veins
till it’s tattooed on my arms
Prey
I took the bait
now I’m hanging from your hook
I’m in dire straits
I was supposed to walk away
But I guess you were the bear that day
And I the salmon in the bay
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