Who am I now? NaPoWriMo poem 5

If I could start again on this carousel ride
I’d tell you to fuck off before you got into my mind
But here you are living rent free
On this empty landscape of mine

Not even useful like a weed
You’re just invasive
Scarring my heart
As you till and dig the dirt
Agitating every part of me

Growing your narcissistic supply
Killing all that was native in me
Sometimes I wonder aloud
‘Who am I? Who am I now?’ 

The good, the badass, the ugly

I’m going to space
With Jack
And his mate Mack
We’ll be space cowboys
Running rogue among the stars

Jack will bring his wife
Honey is such a laugh
And Mack will bring his knife
And we’ll scour the stars
For game, unicorns and dragons
On the moon or failing that L.A
Who can tell the difference anyway?
When you’re all drugged up
On scandal
Revealed in photographs
We took in Santa Monica bay!

And we’ll swing among the stars
Get our names in the lights
We’ll swing from Jupiter to mars
Just like Frank Sinatra sang!

We’ll be the rogue space cowboys
the good, that’s Jack
The badass, that’s Mack
the ugly? That’s Matt! (me)

(c) 2016 Feb

The rainbow forgot

I am all the colours the rainbow forgot
Grey, black and teal
I am the have nots

And I was born
Grey bubble gum
No one knew
Of the thoughts
I’d provoke them to chew

And I was born
Teal cigarettes
The signs were in the smoke
They couldn’t forget

And I fell into
A pot of black paint
At a young age
They called it Matt black
Who’d have thought it
Think about it, what’s my name?

I am the colours the rainbow forgot
I am the have nots

(c) 2016 Jan




I’m taking on my demons role
staring him in the face
I take a step back
Sharpening my knife

I reject the monsters bark
Cutting his mask
From my face

It’s been sewn on
And underneath
I become no one

Which is a new monster
In of itself

What have I done

I stare at my nothingness
Mouth gaping open
Without a sound

But I can hear my scream
Inside my labyrinth

Who am I
What am I meant to be?

(c) Jan 2016


With the thud of the feet

A heart that refuses to admit defeat
With sweat upon my brow
And the blood shed as I take another hit

I shall not bow out!

Too late, gotta hold it now
Let the blood drip
From my lips
Look into my eyes
you’ll see the beast
He’s been unleashed
Out on the prowl
Ready to take it
Break it
Tear down these walls
So tired, I didn’t think I could make it
I prayed to a god I didn’t believe
Said “Please, god, forsake me”
And he handed me a sword
Said “We’ll battle this one out son”
And so the beasts have run
“Who is your enemy?” he asks me
to which I replied “Everybody! The world! Even me”
“Only one of them is correct, my son”
And that’s when I saw
My reflection in the silver
And I knew then, I knew
The number one worst enemy I must master.

(c) 2015

Posted on previous blog

The boys we were

We sat and watched the trains
Listened to their wheels screech on the line
Our faces dusty and muddy from play
But we always fell to silence to watch the trains
Going this a-way and that a-way
And we mimicked the sounds in our games

We’d run too close to the tracks
And our mothers screamed “Get back!”
And oh how we laughed
And our faces looked on with anticipation
As the rumble of a train could be heard
In the distance

And the paper mill would sound an alarm
And we’d burrow down under a bench
Because under there we’d come to no harm
Our grandfathers told us of the wars
And in our imaginations a fight was ahead
And we were evacuee’s waiting for a train

And our little dusty faces
Peered under hats
And our grandparents would clean us
By spitting onto a handkerchief
And we’d squirm
And wash our faces again behind their backs

Now the boys we used to be
Sit frozen in sepia photographs

Written in 2014-2015 (c)