The tears make bokeh of the headlights
Careening around this corner
This is the only time we felt alive
Our skeletons waiting to discard this flesh
And death didn’t half look dashin’
The way he danced and took our breath
And when your lips fall from their hinges
In shock and agony
When the anguish rolls across your face
And your lungs expand with empty space
Know this was the ferocity
That pulled us to our knees
And we were only ever sorry
We couldn’t make it to the other side
Of the storm
Poem written ‘off the cuff’ ‘in the moment’ for poem 3 NaPoWriMo
You tell her she’s butchered her body
Without regard for compassion
Though you say it’s from that place
you say your words
Even though they’re said in haste
Without a thought to the hurt you place
Upon another’s shoulders
All because you don’t understand their way
You say you don’t hate
You just don’t see her how she says
And you will bend at the whim
Of your own emotional reaction
While saying facts don’t care about feelings
But neither does her dysphoria care about yours
So fuck your hate
And shove it up your arse
Those feelings are your own to contemplate
NaPoWriMo poem 2: Greener man
Writhing & falling
Stretched-out & broken
Hanging on a fine thread
Swinging between madness
And sanity
All these thoughts littering my head
Digging & stamping
Upon contortions
broadcasting their faces
between my shoulders
Becoming mouthpieces
For words sharpened
by darkness
Coming undone
hitching myself
To the earth
In the hopes
I might emerge
A better, greener
Man.
Blue sirens and yellow daffodils. #NaPoWriMo poem 1
Blue sirens
Blue lights smother the sky
Urgency is calling
999
Mouth agape
Heart falling apart
Memories whiz by
In the taillights
Mourning rises
Flowers point to the sun.
As if the world didn’t stop
The night it went wrong
Daffodils dare to live
In front of you
Yellow and bold
Confronting you
Defying all breath
heavily exhaled from your lungs
How come life carries on
After she’s gone?
The savageness of being human
A contortion of years
Pass by on faces
For milliseconds at a time
Frankenstein’s skeletons within
Gargoyles screaming
Through the pores of our skin
Stories running through the wrinkles
Harbouring humour
Creasing at the thought of those we’ve lost
Skin sagging with the baggage
Being human
Consciousness a savage
Wreaking havoc
On our mammalian brains
Tying ourselves in knots
Tying ourselves in knots
with words
While trying to be inclusive
becoming more exclusive
The internet a reflection of autism
Too many ideas at once
All filters gone
becoming more confused
Stuck on one
One becomes none Because too much at once
One becomes millions
of one repeated in different words
till the linguistic game
evolves beyond this world
One becoming millions
that may as well be none
Because it’s all too much
to act upon.
*The use of the word ‘Autism’ is not meant in a derogatory way, merely an expression of recognition that what I see happening in the confusing chaos of the social media websites on the internet remind me of my own symptoms of Autism and how my thoughts can spin and spin, and spin and become stuck in cycles.
And the symptoms of too much information and stimulation at once, though it takes less than the amount we can find online to cause derailment of the mind, the symptoms of the derailment of conversations and peoples minds online mirrors my own experience with Autism with every day things and I notice it online all the time.
Language as a microscope
The human is a contortionist
Bending and folding into boxes
Dissecting the world into words
Trying to communicate to…
Who? no one really knows
We just do it because we do
And in our prisms
With ink spilled
With erroneous conclusions to come to
we share a shared unknowledge that we are not who we are
but some other
Becoming restless
We all conclude
We should go ‘back’
Whatever that means
As if we left somewhere
When we get back to nature
It is said
We will understand
To which I must ask
When do you claim we left
That to which we are intrinsically attached?
It’s the words we use that built these walls
Language, a microscope to help communicate
About the world
But we forgot to step back from the scope
And see we are within
all the things we point to ‘out there.’
The Dragons Tail
The waves crash
and things erode and clash
A fierce dragons tail
Eking out a living with every thrash
Ramshackle homes built upon the ash
All for man who was so brash
casting spells all upon the land
with words that shrouded kingdoms
A mixture of illusion & delusion
The vultures clean our words
In the morning when they get to work
Pecking away at the remains
Of our yesterdays
If not for them
We’d be in up to our knees
Wading through the aftermath
But when all is said and done
There will be a bigger backlash
For us as one
The dragons tail
that we can’t help but become.
Shame
I utter the word ‘hello,’
And reddened in the face
You look away
Hands in pockets
Lips a tight line
Containing a smirk
That’s for me, only mine
I know not what was said or done
But your embarrassment is palpable
I guess, I must be in the wrong
Later it will come to light
The tone of my voice wasn’t right
Or the way I stood or looked down
Or it was the way words sound
When coming out of my mouth
And the bashfulness on your face
Communicates to everyone
And like a virus it infects them all
Permeates the air
And I become
The cigarette end of jokes
And I, left in the ruins
Become the ash
Greyed and cemented
Into shame
Music is sadness
Music, apparently it has the power to make people feel emotions.
Happy, sad, angry, sentimental etc.
But for me it doesn’t matter if it’s a happy song or a sad song; it all sounds depressing to me.
Music either makes me sad or sentimental but never happy.
The happier the song often, the sadder I become.
Because it’s a sound so cut off from anything I’ve ever felt, it sounds to me like delusion and desperation rather than happy and fun times.
Happy songs seem like tears should always mark their endings.
Because that’s what music is to me, it’s audio wallpaper over changes.
I blame TV and films for this. You know those scenes where two characters say their goodbyes for the last time, and then the music plays as the camera shows one of them walking away, getting further and further away as the credits start to scroll over the screen.
Or the music plays as someone has an epiphany that will be good in the long run, but at that moment it’s tinged with sadness, goodbyes, change.
Music is a vehicle for emotion; it moves it through you, emphasizes feelings you already had but weren’t necessarily aware of.
For me, music is a chariot for my sadness, something I listen to when I need my sadness to have sound.
But otherwise, music is too overwhelming because my feelings even in the silence are already too much.
To put music on for me is like going full throttle, no breaks.
Speeding to the inevitable crash.
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