Sickness consumes my days

Nausea is consuming my days. I can’t eat and I can’t not eat. I can’t do a damn thing. It just happens every single fucking day. It’s a really niggling sickness that feels like it’s right the depths of my stomach. I come online between the waves of it, when it feels a little less niggling. It gets to to be i feel so bad I’m literally trembling with what feels like a massive surge of absaloute weakness taking on all my limbs, especially my legs.

Fuck. I feel like giving up my meds to see if one of them is irritating my stomach. But can I even deal with what would come from not taking them?

I’m getting close to giving up my anti-depressants. Yea you think i’m miserable git on them? wooooahhh boy you wanna see me off them. Seriously.

Brexit: Gorilla smells something fishy

I know a lot of people on the brexit side of the debate have suggested some conspiracy theory fears leading up the vote, meaning many of them were advising one another to vote in pen not pencil.

I don’t fault them for it, I think it’s a genuine concern rather than some ‘paranoid hysteria’

Despite brexit still winning, though the results were very close, I can’t help but still think something is amiss. Something about the way Boris Johnson and Fish Face  I mean Michael Gove and the way they reacted like they were at a funeral just seemed off to me. It’s almost like they expected to lose and hoped to lose. Why would that be?

I know some comment on that facebook site many of you humans are victims of (it’s eating your brains by the way), has been shared about how it’s a lose – lose situation for Boris and David Cameron standing down has checkmated him.

Maybe thats it.

But, and perhaps it’s a paranoid part of me (I admit i am not immune to some very paranoid behaviour and thoughts), i still feel there is more to this story. I don’t wish to be one of those conspiracy theorists where absolutely every event is a ‘false flag’ nothing if is ever real! If something bad happens to the opposing side, it’s a false flag to get people to sympathise and move to their side. But I certainly feel something is amiss about all this, and though someone may have put their finger on a little bit of what it is (that it’s actually ended up a lose- lose situation) i feel like there is something else, that I can’t put my finger on and that I haven’t yet seen anyone else do.

Dancing shoes

I put on my dancing shoes
In bedlam
Or is it Alcatraz
One can’t tell
When you’re on the razz

Shiny brown shoes
Got on my suit too
Slick my hair back
I’m a silverback gorilla

Wanna put on a fight?
I’ve got fists of fuckin’ Dynamite
Golden rings on fingers
You’ll be goin’ ‘ome in blisters!
So put on ya dancin’ shoes

I’ll put the grit
Back in ya grin!

(c)  2016 March

Faceless

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I’m taking on my demons role
staring him in the face
I take a step back
Sharpening my knife

I reject the monsters bark
Cutting his mask
From my face

It’s been sewn on
And underneath
I become no one

Which is a new monster
In of itself

What have I done

I stare at my nothingness
Mouth gaping open
Without a sound

But I can hear my scream
Inside my labyrinth

Who am I
What am I meant to be?

(c) Jan 2016

Weakness. You’re missing the signs.

I am going to keep this short. Because i’m feeling like a lazy gorilla.

We’re getting it wrong. It shows itself all the time. We’re getting it fucking wrong.

We continue to make the same mistakes.

The mistake in HOW we talk mens issues.

I hear the same shit everytime. Wanting to allow men to ‘open’ up and show their ‘weaknesses’ We have been saying it for years now.

Do you know what the real problem is? Are you really ready to hear it?

You want weakness to always look the same. So you only look for those signs. You miss the rest.