By a stroke of luck
I was born with a light bulb above my head
So they knew I was a genius
Right from the start
The doctors slapped my bum
And said “Ya’ve got a genius boy, just look at his light bulb!”
I came shooting out the womb
Talking and walking
I didn’t cry
I simply greeted the doctor like this
“Why hello dear Doctor, please clean me up, I look a right fuckin’ mess”
Imagine his surprise at my French?!
Ya need a little zest
Put on ya hair gel
And thermal vest
Button up ya shirt
Make sure to look ya best!
Put on ya dancing shoes
Remember we’re only guests
We’re nothing important
So why get stressed?
Roll up ya sleeves and fight it out
Nothing to see, just a little fallout
When ya get arrested ya best friend will bail ya out
And when ya fucking the girl next door
Over the garden fence, he’ll be ya look out
That’s it lads, stand proud
What are we even worrying about
We’re nothing special
Nothing to shout about
God forbid you forgot to pullout
Now got one in the oven
Well done, ya bleeding boy scout!
Ya need a little zest
Put on ya best
Smile for the cameras
Pretend like ya feel blessed
Turn ya frown upside down
A change is as good as a rest!
Dupe yaself into passion
Let me see it in ya eyes
Diamonds in ya eyes are all the fashion
So come on
Get a little zest
Start by looking ya fuckin’ best!
© 2016 June
Dog shit
It fuckin’ stinks
So why do you
Make me roll in it!
Ya fuckin’ prick!
Get ya shit bag
And fill it!
Ya prick!
Some of us got baskets of milk
Takin’ it home
So I can make porridge!
But ya’ve gone and left ya dog shit
Right in middle
Of fuckin’ path
I tried to get around it
Couldn’t cross the fuckin’ road!
Curb was too damn high!
I was stuck!
Trying to swereve round it
Pick up ya dog shit
Ya fuckin’ prick.
(C) 2016 Jan
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I’ve been romancing honey
Jacks tennesee gal
I shouldn’t do
Not with this checkered heart of mine
Jack knows my heart
He’s a friend like that
Says I need a change of clothes
My heart looks like a lesbian
In these checkered rags
So i’ve suited up this old heart
Tie an all, cover the bullet hole
Thats what I tell ’em anyway
“I surived the bullet, ma’am
I’m tough and ‘ard me, like!”
I don’t tell them I
Fell heart first
Over heels
(c) 2016 Feb
Delirious are drooling boys
As beauty will have missed him
Because as she blew him
He missed the deer among the trees
(c) feb 2016
Since when did america allow orangutans to run for president?
I’m glad that ape equality is finaly catching on though.
Me: I can’t have children
friend: you mean because…..
me: no. Because I cant put things out of reach
friend : erm….
me: you know like, keeping bleach out of reach?
Friend: what do women do then? They’re normally the shorter ones
me: they get a tall man in. But I am the man….
The title ^^^ that’s how stupid some of you sound.
I used a unisex toilet
imagine my embarrassment
when I learnt
it doesn’t mean I can rape the women….
(taking the piss out of people getting bent out of shape over unisex toilets in certain states of America)
people so bent out of shape about what gentials the urine is coming out of in the next stall makes me laugh at you humans so much. Just take a piss and be done with it. Jesus fucking Christ. And most men are not going to go in there with the hopes of raping women. And for the love of God, most men aren’t gonna dress as women just to take advantage of women and children. And for fuck sake you’ve been sharing bathrooms with trans people for a long time. The only difference is some people have decided to make it all a big deal on the left, that trans people use toilets, and the right have reacted with their usual rhetoric. Both sides are a barrel of laughs. I’m so glad I’m not a human…..
You are exquisite
your curves have me trembling
I’ll handle you as a man should
Soft when asked, firm when needed
I’ll bathe you
Cleanse you under sunlight
I’ll cherish you!
Let me hear your roar!
I’ll rev you up right!
You are a retro car I’d like to drive (RCILD)
Posted on previous blog
I’m a master baiter
Got you hook line and sinker
Even though you think yourself a free thinker
But one smile and virtue signalled
And you’re all over the advertisement
Approving of my blemished truths
Trusting me not to be uncouth
Thinking I should sell myself and my cure
On business cards stuck in telephone booths
Talking my lines down the wires
To ears undisturbed by my truths
silverbackgorillapoetry.com 