NaPoWriMo: Pushing through

Living and breathing
pushing through anxiety
like I’ll be pushing up daises
when death should come
Pushing through anxiety
like a mother pushes out babies
One breath, two breath,
fuck that
I’m here death!
I’m done running
chasing my next breath
one breath, two breath
Fuck that
Eat me, death!

Put my hands in the soil
my fingers worming through roots
touching death
teeming with life
humus is humorous
two shades
one called death, one called life
different shades of each
50 shades of life
remember, can you remember why the strife?
No, not that, the other one
I’ve got plenty, but not a wife!

I thought I thought a thought
that strangled breath
Something about the traffic
of things
an accumulation
Too much, too many
fuck, too many wires
no wonder I’m so fucking wired
Chasing electricity
electrified
terrified
One breath, two breath
three breath
Pushing through anxiety
like I’ll be pushing up daises
One breath, two breath
a wall of bricks with wires
tongue tied, tongue lied
Remember, can you remember
the one very specific thing I thought I thought?

NaPoWriMo: Alone sparrows

I’ve got a teenage forehead
but the rest of me has aged
I look pretty funny
but I never claimed to be anything but this mismatched man
if God is real I guess me being whole wasn’t part of the plan
God must’ve thought I could live on the edges
but look around
they’re all fenced up
ask yourself where are the birds and the hedges?
Does a bird mistake a fence for a hedge?
No, he knows.

It’s me alone with the sparrows.

NaPoWriMo: Trains and maps

Train stations and maps
lay the world bare
in blue and red lines
like scars
telling you where you are
in this town
where we lay ourselves down
watching downtrodden humanity
in raindrops on windows
and a plastic bag
driven by the wind
to God knows
are we as flimsy as this?
Our fragility is strong
a bruise upon our cheeks
writing maps on our skin
telling us where we are
without telling us our place
what use is a train
if we don’t know where we’re going to, anyway?

NaPoWriMo: I am dead, said Fred

‘I am dead,’ Said Fred
‘I’ve got worms inside my head
slithering through the aftermath of my death
I am carnage
I am meat on bones
eat me, eat me!
Bring on the crows!’

I said
‘You’re not dead, Fred
and the worms in your head
are just thoughts you couldn’t catch
turned to fog before you could grasp
I’ll call the doctor
he’ll bring you back.’

‘I am dead,’ Said Fred
If you call a doctor
call Dr Crow
say, ‘Dr Crow, Fred is dead’
And she’ll know
how to return me
And son, I’ll be seeing you
from a birds eye view

NaPoWriMo: Drunk. Pulp. Piss

Tv screens and radio
magazines and stereos
all these thoughts
pulverised in our minds
whole little worlds
behind our eyes
some of us becoming pulp
dazed and confused
I can’t organise all this shit in my brain
how on earth do we get off of this fucking train?
I need a warehouse
to store all these fucked up thoughts and feelings
Cuz I’m apt to start screaming
don’t hold us close
when we’re all going away anyway
I can’t take another goodbye
so don’t say
don’t stay
All these lights lock my brain
always wired
the humming in my brain
the smell of piss on the streets
cuz everyone forgets their heads
drunk to forget

NaPoWriMo: The dysphoria of twos

I’ve got some new boots
what does that mean for my other pair
it doesn’t seem fair
can both exist at the same time
or does one erase the other?
If I close my eyes does one pair stay
and the other disappear?
what if I wore odd boots, one from each pair?
will I look a mug, when I got out there?
if I keep them both in my sight
they’ll both exist and that will be okay, right?
unless one is my Monday pair
and the other is my Tuesday pair?
But does that mean I need to buy another fucking pair?
And then another, then another?
One for each day, so that none are left behind?
What a fucking bind!
I’ll keep the one pair, if you don’t mind.

NaPoWriMo: Smile, no frown

Hello fellow weirdos
I tried to be a storage of calm
but it seems I’m too wired for that
so you’ll have to take me as I am
restlessly still
my face don’t always translate what I feel
Perhaps the storm doesn’t cross my face
or maybe it does
I never know what expression it pulls
I tried pulling strings through my lips
so I could control them like puppets
‘Smile, no frown’
I tried to sew puppet string to my eyes
to express my confusion or lack thereof