Why yes I am a pompous twirp
How good of you to notice
Would you like to give this mask a whirl?
You’ll rather find that your wings will unfurl
Yes, bingo wings
But it’s okay, you can stick duct tape
Nice and tight, bind that flesh in
That’s right
Remember never to wind ya neck in
it’ll happen naturally
Standing outside the antiques inn
Cooing over pottery cows
What a nice novelty jug to store ya milk in!
Sit inside sun lit cafes
Drinking tea and eating scones
Talking of the husbands
In hushed tones
Bitching about that bitch
In leopard print rags
Still with the shopping tags
And that young lad
Who don’t know how to wear his fucking cap
Ya’ve got it in mind to give these youths a slap
Your husbands too
Cuz he’s been out on the razz
Spilling beer on his corduroy trousers
While dancing to jazz
And to top your day off
I’m being a pompous ass
Welcome

2016