Anxiety

The world is drawn in rough squiggles of lines that giggle through the grape vines that intertwine my mind
a blurred map of lingering torment overrun with anxious flotsam
squiggle squiggle
so anxious the world is topsy turvy barley a picture to be drawn thats worthy
My hands wont be still
I’m all frowsy and nervy
A deer in the headlights
My feet pitter patter like the rain
They all tek it for granted that i’m jus’ prancin’ and dancin’
But heart to heart
Its all restless edge
flowin’ down to me loosey goosey feet
Am not a tap dancer, i am neurosis on legs
Maybe bordering on psychosis
Its hard to tell out here on the ledge
I dont want a ladder
Or a rope
I’ll jump off, maybe, tomorrow
But my hearts got the jitterbug
And my ‘eads got me swingin’ be the ears
Stretching ’em out too far now all i can do is bloody listen
There is music in my ribs
Wind chimes and xylophones
I can hear the river in my veins gushin’
My bladder fillin’
A rush o’ blood to the ‘ead
funny how it makes ya feel dead
Inside this caccoon of dread
Makes you notice your eyes in your sockets
Painting pictures
If only i could paint real nice
Instead of this horrorshow in my minds eye!

A Rambling Book Review: Stephen King as Richard Bachman, The Long Walk

A small amount of spoilers for anyone who wishes to read the book or watch the new film. You have been warned.

I have read this before, and it’s one of those books I always remembered, so I decided to reread it. It started with me thinking that maybe I had misremembered how good it was. I wasn’t quite geling with it like I had remembered, but I persevered through the first few chapters, and I was drawn in again. It’s somehow very readable, even as it disturbs somewhat.

The Long Walk seems to be a metaphor for life, how we each fear death to varying degrees, and we hear and see other people have died, yet we have to continue with life regardless. Despite seeing and hearing of those around us who have died through the years, a lot of us spend time with the intellectual knowledge that we will one day die, yet emotionally, we often don’t quite believe it. It’s a weird cognitive dissonance I’ve observed in myself and others. This whole story seems to be an exercise in that fight inside our heads, that fear and panic at the knowledge of our death and how often to defeat that fear and panic, we bumble along and emotionally soothe ourselves.

This was readily observable in 2020 during the height of the pandemic. While people were dying, there were discussions on TV shows and YouTube videos about how the people most at risk were those with ‘underlying health issues. ‘ People would say things like, ‘I’m not too worried about Covid because I’m healthy.’ People said this a lot, and I kept thinking to myself, ‘I guess if they repeat it, they feel better about the uncertainty.’ People spoke of this with an element of pride in their supposed health status, but underneath it, as callous as it appeared, they were soothing themselves, because it could potentially be them, and deep down, I think a lot of them knew it.
Every time the new death count came on the news, people all consoled themselves that they hadn’t caught it yet, or they caught it and it felt like a common cold! Then you have the other people who got on a train from conspiracy station, anything to make their potential death a more controllable outcome. If it’s a conspiracy, then this virus isn’t real; actually, the whole thing was planned. Things are easier if everything is controllable by human hands. Even if controlled by evil humans, at least it was humans, and if evil humans had control, then good humans could regain control. If the virus isn’t real, then those invisible things that can make us feel bad, or cause chronic illness or indeed kill us, aren’t real.

I’ve had conversations before with people, talking about someone who has just died, and the person will say something like, ‘Well, he did have heart issues.’ Yeah, he may well have, but that doesn’t mean death won’t find you, too.

The character Stebbins seemed to be doing just fine, no warnings, not till the end, yet he didn’t win, did he?

Olson continued for a long time, despite appearing like the dead walking; some of the seemingly fittest walkers got their ticket not because of a physical setback, but because they went crazy.

That’s another thing life does to you: it can drive you crazy, and if it doesn’t drive you crazy, you may well have been born crazy so that you wouldn’t know the difference.

Then you had the crowd congealing into one mass face of the monster created by the Frankenstein-esque mediascape that promoted such a bloody dystopian idea, and how they felt joy and cheered on the bloody deaths.

Seems familiar. There is something in the human psyche that, when congealed together as one mass, they become monstrous entities controlled no longer by individuals but by a baser surge of bloodlust.

I enjoyed reading this book; Stephen King is a very hit-or-miss author with me. This is one of the hits.

I Have Been Human

I have been victim
I have been villain
I have been kind
I have been cold
Young and old before time graced my bones
I have tried
But not all the time
I have lied
But also spoken truth
I have been ‘only human’
Just like you
But now I will be tried
Before mob rule.

Authors note:

Mob rule is looking for scapegoats. Politics is shifting to extremes. Minorities are the canaries in the coal mines. The scapegoats.

That’s what this poem is about. Humans. Humanity. The humanity that some people, some who are in power, want to take away.

Exercising my writing muscles to get back into the flow

Using words of the day for inspiration the following was written

If only I could succumb
to the lagom of swirling leaves
be as free as that which glides effortless to sleepy death where hollows don’t know their depth
where no words drew abyss
into which to peer
For the endless dark matters none here
It just is, it just is, my dear
Whispers the crunch of leaves under feet of deer

Hush the big……. slumber

Something in the woods loves you
something with susurrous hush
hush in communion
hush in gossip swirl
swirl of leaves
swirl of amber crunch
crunch of rugged boots
crung of snaggle-toothed roots
roots baring fingered crowns
roots tapping into earth
earth bares it’s teeth
earth feasts september’s harvest
harvest falls and bares crowns
harvest scythe bears deaths prowl
prowl in frosted trails
prowl in winds sail
sail amber seas
sail on swirling fall
fall to embers hearth
fall to earth’s rebirth
rebirth to silky worm
rebirth to nutrients swarm
swarm of leaves crisp and scrunch
swarm of bees buzz back home
home smell of comfort pie
home stuffed with bellies full
full of whimsy
full of dripping hats and coats on hooks
hooks of umbrellas pointing up
hooks of fingers in come hither crook
crook and crannie
crook and bow
bow out
bow down
down in hidey-hole
down from restless beg
beg of cool breeze
beg of nest of books
books spread whimsy
whimsy cradles inner child
whimsy tucks me in
in the warmth of bellies beast
in the night fall of harvest feast
feast on sleep
feast my eyes too big
big homely comforts
big dreams in slumber
slumber
comforts

Authors note:

The first line is the title of a book I’m currently reading Something In The Woods Loves You

Poem for W3

This did not work out well for the title…..

The Gargoyle On The Castle Wall

Me huzfizz face come loose
screamin’ at the splizer zeeth
Void find me

And…

Where was I?

Cobwebs and water spouts…

They all cobble t’gether
in big grandiloquent hats
talking absaloute balderdash

Void find me

Beer swills and spills
much as the blood that rushes
after sword and iron rule
and then

Seams of unhinged ripish
Screamin’ at the splizer zeeth

And then she comes in with histrionic gush
‘Off with his head!’ she bleats
They all swell as one beast
with blood lust and cheer

I done seen gracke
stone faced grimbal
I shall be ‘ere etnero

It’s the after-party of more blood rush
They drink from my mouth
I scream gurgled poison

Void find me!
Screamin’ at the splizer zeeth
They’re my prisoners now.


This poetry is written for W3