We were twine o’ thread knottin’ time
bent us snaggle toothed spines needlin’ at the grind
We were fusty with British stiff upper lip
with sabre toothed vanity, mining us extraterrestrial in coal an’ lime needlin’ at the grind
We dreamed o’ greenin’ the land
cigarettes chained to us ‘ands needlin’ at the grind
We erased that which we wished to glimpse
In a trailblaze of exhaust fumes, steerin’ the grind
We extolled the land by mouth
And demarcated it with the other ‘and steelin’ uselve’s fer the grind
An attempt at this week’s W3

Matt, I really like “twine o’ thread knottin’ time” — it pulls me right into the rhythm of the piece and sets up the grit of the grind perfectly.
Your refrain is really strong, and for a “true” ghazal, you’d get to spotlight it even more by ending both lines of the very first couplet with “the grind” (the refrain).
~David
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Thanks. Yea I realised that after reading some other people’s posts lol. At least I know for next time.
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🤗 🤗 🤗
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Great poem, Matt! You are really good at creating voice in your pieces.
Yvette M Calleiro 🙂
http://yvettemcalleiro.blogspot.com
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Thanks!
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The voice in this is wonderful, it feels authentic and gritty. A few people didn’t quite get the form (and depending who you ask, I might be one of them) but I figure any poem that comes from these prompts is a good one.
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Thanks! I’m used to writing without any form and structure, just writing purely what sounds good to me so a few of these prompts have been a challenge.
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Nice one! The tone and the flow sucked me into this one!
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Thanks!
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