Poetry written just now, no edits (even no editing spelling mistakes, can’t be arsed)

Dear, someone i used to know
How is life treating ya?

Ah to be frank, I don’t care
I’m just in a weird mood
To be fair
I’m angsty
And you’re the one I want to target
You’ve just got that kind of face
Cuz I used to love it so
And now it just reminds me
Of all the dreams I had to let go

Then again
I’m learning about myself
And my heart was never in it
It’s never really been in anything
I thought it was in you
Like a seed growing roots
Turning to a tree
But then I realised
I’d never have moved to be closer to you
Like I’d put that much effort in, in the end
I’m all talk
No walk
You know it best
Thats probably one of the many reasons
You left

I don’t really blame you anymore
I’m over you in some sense
But in another way
You’re everything I thought I dreamed
So I guess a part of me still hankers after you
I’ve spent so long trying to make sense
Of how it ended, how you left
Told myself you were a bitch
A narcissist. And you know it’s probably a bit true
But not as much as I like to colour you
‘cuz see it’s moments like this
When I show my true colours
And I see that I’m probably equally to blame
If not more so

How do you deal with a person like me?
Cycling through moods
Quicker than a person changes underwear
And they’re hardly normal moods are they?
They’re full sweep in intensity
No one seems to express them or feel them
As intensely as me
People say there is someone else out there
Always experiencing life similar to you
But people often agree once they’ve met me
And gotten to know me
There is no one they can think of that quite experiences such intensity

Full swoop from thinking i’m cured
To thinking I’d rather die
To thinking I want to talk
To thinking I wanna be alone and never see anyone
To thinking I’m a genius
Who will save the world
To thinking I’m so fuckin dumb
I might aswell not even bother
To thinking i’ll never consider suicide again!
I’ve been saved! I’m cured, all is well
To thinking the noose is just in the other room
Might go and kill myself, i can’t stand this hell.

I’m not a nice man
I recognise that
Thats why I’m angry at people
Who act like arseholes
When I keep it all inside
And actually I’m just like them
And possibly worse

People think i’m fucking shy!
I know! What a lie
They’re the people that have met me
On the best of days
But fuck, you should hear me
If i’m just irritated or angry
I’ll say whatever the fuck i want
Be rude as hell, yea proper arsehole
Making myself sound like an entitled prick
Some people think i’m so self aware
When actually I’m so fucking lost
And drowned so deep so long ago
I have no idea how i tick
I just go each day at a time
Ticking like a time bomb
With all these intense moods of mine
I’m never inbetween or just simply okay
No, no, i’m always the fucking extremes
Either so bad I’m ready to die, or so good I’m ready to save the world
No in between for me
I’m either over excited
Or I’m completely numb
Do you know how tiring it is to live with a brain like this?
Fuck.

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